City Of Ruins -Performance

“ᴏʜ sʜᴇ’s sᴡᴇᴇᴛ ʙᴜᴛ ᴀ ᴘsʏᴄʜᴏ”
-ᴀᴠᴀ ᴍᴀx

Sage awoke to a repeated knocking at the door of his apartment. Mumbling gibberish he mustered strength to roll to the side of the bed ,satin sheets twisted around his waist. Arms hanging off his mattress, fingers rested on the cool wooden floor. Moist drops of water mixed with glands of sweat covered his face. The maintenance guy was past due on fixing the AC, having yet another excuse yesterday afternoon when sage ran into him in the basement to get his bicycle for his evening ride.

Sage caught him throwing the resident’s items in a heap. His movements were wild as he frantically searched the boxes, talking to himself out loud.

Sage eased his way to him. He waved his hand at his dilated orbs. “What are you doing?” he asked as he lowered his palms to his knees.

The maintenance guy stuttered, “O-organizing.” fumbling with his shirt sleeve Drool slipped from his mouth.

Sage knew the maintenance man was lying through his bronze teeth. The way his body quivered, a pit of circles formed above his cheekbone revealed his truth.

Sage found out why the guy never answered any of his calls. Why he was a no-show to his job until the afternoon .He was busy snorting away his life and stealing from the residents.

Sage questioned humans. How they could toss generations away for one trip? One night of exhilaration , how could they choose ignorance over truth. Over the real shit that the higher-up’s hide from them. Why protect the light when humans thrive in darkness.

Pulling himself to his eminent height sage scorned at the pitiful man below. Unaware of the chain he was fated to.He gave him a pinched grin before he ruffled The maintenance guy’s gray fro and laid a hundred dollar bill on the stored box as he left. It was better for him to die from the powder that he consumed .

The ancient clock on the desk flashed. 8:53 am releasing a low growl, Sage forced himself up inwardly cussing out whoever it was interrupting him from his sleep. He snatched his shirt off the grey sofa in the corner of his room; it was the focal point in the moody space. His wooden stool fell over from the rushed movement. He wasn’t a Fashion type of man and never had a pull for interior design.The colors in his one bedroom apartment consisted of grey , black and beige. He had a black awarth table with legs connecting to make a star at the bottom. Tall candles scented the air of Oak. Tugging on his shirt before he hit the front door he opened it.

Sweet and spicy gourmands wafted his nose, Jasmine, Orange Blossom and Patchouli. Daniella Isla Larson stood in front of him wearing a white collared shirt and a plaid skirt, her patterned thigh high socks traveling down her limber legs. A Michael Kors backpack on her shoulder. Her matte red lips set in irritation.Hands raised in knocking position. “If you took any longer, I would have had no choice but to climb through your window,” She gave him a big cheeky smile.

Scrubbing the sleep out of his orbs. Sage shook his head twice. Before staring at her in confusion.Daniella had a fetish for cosplaying.

He first met her at Groovy Discs.He was led there by his GPS to find a collection of Contemporary music. Daniella was the only employee there wearing a latex jumper. She assisted him. Laughing at him when he didn’t recognize the slang she used. They had more things in common then he knew ,they were both in their early 20’s and they both had a love for music.

On The weekend the vintage shop would go from stacks of CD cases and pluggable headphones to rich tables and chairs. Daniella would perform wearing outrageous clothes. Presenting the fans with an exotic fantasy.

The resident’s of the town gossiped of how slut like she appeared for showing her skin without remorse. Sage was convinced Daniella would walk outside butt naked if it wasn’t illegal. Sage found her to be outgoing and chic.She was the first human he liked to chill with instead of whining about her life. Daniella bragged of hers and the cheap items she brought from thrift stores to accessorize her cosplay fits.

Crossed arms over his chest, Sage leaned against the chiffon wall for strength.His stomach growled for food. His eyes lazily sweapt over over her outfit. “Danni really ?” he pointed to her outfit in exaggeration. “What is the purpose of this one ?”

Daniella twirled gleefully showing off her latest creation, tanned skin peeked out from under her shirt. ” I have a performance today, dummy and my character. If you must know, is an obsessed school girl who fell in love with a bad boy then got dumped . fucked right ?” she pulled out a pack of gum and opened her mouth like a gaping fool. Gently placing the mint flavored bar on her tongue.

Sage bowed his head in failure before he focused back on daniella’s absurd response. He fanned his shirt. Man he hated heat.” And your excited for this because?”

Daniella threw her hands in his face. “Hello, it’s the touch of love That’s what I’m interested in. The song itself is famed.”

Her brow tightened in concentration.”the artist is very open minded and maybe a bit of a hopeless romantic.”

Sage patted his denim pockets for his cigs. He nodded his head as Daniella went on about some artist named Billie Ellish and how her song. “OCEAN EYES” topped the Billboard.

Daniella devoted herself to the artist she portrayed. She ached to recreate what inspired the song with her own body and performance. Sage envied Daniella grasping her world of art. He wished he had something to be passionate about. All that came to mind was Angela and her silky braid, he told himself to stop thinking of a reality that “could ” have been. Angela was the woman of his dreams.

Sighing in despair. Sage bounced off the wall placing a callused hand on Daniella’s prattling mouth “Hush.” He whispered in her ear. She could talk for hours if he let her.

Sage breath ghosted the side of her cheek. His face inches apart, he was in reach and yet miles away.

Daniella lifted her irises up at him. His charming curls rounded at his jawline. She gave him a dimpled smile, plucked his nose. ” I wouldn’t be forced to entertain myself if you would GO GET DRESSED!”

Sage backed away from her. “Ow!” placing his finger on the budding red on his sore nose. “It was a way of telling you let’s hurry.” he coddled his nose in his hand.

With narrowed eyes she invited herself into his apartment . “Good thinking,” she said softly patting her cheeks.

Sage ran a hand through his messy locks before shutting the door behind them. “I was doing something called sleeping before you interrupted me,so I have to shower before we leave.” he mumbled under his breath as he grabbed his cigs from the counter. He was in denial about craving the twigs of tobacco for months.

Daniella smacked her gum as she grabbed a chair and used it as a footrest. “KK”. She raked a hand in her wavy tresses.

Sage was ready in ten minutes, he succumbed to his growling stomach and took another five to fix him and Daniella a toasted avocado sandwich before they hit the suburban streets of Holly Springs.Wisps of pollen floated in the air around them. Ginger leaves crunching underneath their feet as they walked to Daniella 2012 Navy Ford Fusion.

Hiya,This is a little scene from my story on Wattpad. City Of Ruins
Hope all you like it and keep the likes coming.☺☺☺

Announcement 😳👏

Join Angela and Sage on a epic adventure on finding themselves and being free from a cruel world of fighting and death. Will there past be to much to build a stable relationship? or will they work through the tribulations? this is a adult story mixed with fantasy and dystopian universe . tune in now ☝  updates every week

Join wattpad and add me Jamie Lexxon

ANNOUNCEMENT🔊

Hey👋 To start off writing has helped me through a lot but I have never had the confidence that writing is fit for me there’s so many challenges out there for literature and journalism. Its been a couple times i’ve stop and put down my pen or closed my laptop .the support I have on WordPress means so much to me Thank you so much😔🙏 Thank you all for reading and liking my post . I’ll be continuing the City Of Ruins story. If you really love my writing as much as I and it helps you through a busy day then hey download wattpad if you have the app then you can add and follow me, check in for new parts 😈👇👇👇 my goal is to get at least 40 followers in the next two months . AGAIN THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME 😊😊😊😊

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Yes I am That “Fat Girl”

As I slowly watch my tan robe drop to the floor  in a silky platter I hesitantly bring my eyes upward when I do I know I’ll see it I’ll see the rolls and the stretch marks the languid breast. The section of  plump belly. I bring my hands forward to cover myself with them .Holding on to my handlebars tight enough to see a drop of red taint the floor. I look forward to see what I’ve been running away from when I tuck my stomach in my new Fashionova jeans smooth and tight and just enough fabric to hide my scars . 

Getting ready for the fight within me the blood rushed to my head . Inhaling a breath a looked up and saw it .I saw me I saw luscious brown skin and Carmel lips saw long arms marked with stretch marks  and chicken thighs. I didn’t have the gap between my legs like the victoria secret models . I had straight loose fat and uneven coloring in my cells .they say your body is a canvas but at this time and second I didn’t even feel like art I felt like an insect the nastiest and vilest one on the planet . well maybe not cause even then an insect probably weighted less than me . 

“Disgusting” I mumbled to myself under my teeth as I shook my head my brown curls went flying about my face but they couldn’t hide me . they couldn’t hide her this being in front of me . My. Hazelnut eyes shied away from her looking about my room the curtain of  golden led lights that shone with just enough of shade to balance out the light from my lamps. The Queen sized from bed with the Gold and black frames and pink comforter set that I had gotten from my mother before she passed . my rugs were more gray than the rest of my room I laughed to myself gray was a good way of describing me I was not in any way fascinating or gripping . i was plain and basic all i did was work and read my books. Hell my books probably were more riveting  than me I was just a nerd .  my walls were decorated with models . skinny models I should say models who looked down on me with their tiny frames and lengthy legs . their tan skins and always beach ready smiles . I glared at myself in the mirror rushing to take my robe off the polished floor before I glanced up and saw my flaps sagging down  protecting myself once again from her . so yes I do have a weight problem one that told a story in a way . a story of loss and regret a story of me .

Between The War’s

I scrubbed at the crease of my eye’s removing my mascara with the dry skin on the front of my palms. I was beginning to get tired but somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I couldn’t lose focus because if I did I would lose her .i would lose the angel that sat in the middle of the playground stacking her multicolored balls with her tiny hands. Hands I’ve felt wipe my tear’s away when I needed the gesture most.Hands that have brought me to my knees with the smallest flick of a finger. The hands that could cup the blazing cells of the sun and not be burned.The same Hands that Grasped my denim skirt as her small bones flexed on her knuckles. Gripping on to the fabric with frustration and anger. Her thoughts too scrambled to speak, as I walked out into the rain, into the world of loss and grief. Smooth and Soft but not a shield to pain.

Mia pulled her ivory dress down a bit as she crouched down, moving around carefully with her own two feet .she placed the balls back in the box only to dump them back out. Her chocolate brown eye’s gleaming with excitement every time she placed a ball back in the sea bucket. 

I knew the risks of being here but my feet wouldn’t take me anywhere else.It felt like every time I tried to move on and forget I was rooted back to the same place. The source of my regret. Mia.

 Watching mia play was all I wanted to do . Hiding behind my daughter like always as if it would clean my conscious of the horrible things she’s witnessed by being in my care. Her own mother. The only parent she’s had. Who hadn’t failed her until it was too late until the deed was done and there was no turning back, The angels weren’t forgiving the sin’s I’ve committed anytime soon. I, puffed out a breath. My eye’s moistened when I looked at my graceful little girl. Her black and brown curls bounced on her shoulders, obscuring her face. Her nose small and narrow, and her lips tugged into a small pout. I watched her . wondering what it would be like to ease my way over to her on my shaky leg’s and sit next to her. Just to be in the same space as she was and inhale her scent. let it roam wild inside of me. Relieve me of my anguish. Ease my bone’s into submission.

Would she offer to play with her, and hand me a ball or would she grab them all up in her fragile arms and run to her parents not knowing the one she’s left behind.  I slouched back on my rusted red bench, it was weird that that’s what it was now . “my bench” I’ve been coming here for the past year .  watching and waiting for the right moment if there ever was one. My butt tinged and I reached in my pocket pulling out my blackbery. 

I traced out the pattern on my phone “yes” I exhaled 

Jesse’s voice rang out through my phone “ where the hell are you ?”

By now I knew it was a statement rather than a question, jess had to already know where I was. How I was wallowing in my loss and grief. “ I just needed to see her again “I mumbled out as my eye’s watched mia forget about her toys and waddle to the slides. her pink boots imprinted in my brain . I sat up holding my jacket closer more for support than warmth. my warmth was running around on the playground, without a worry in the world. 

Jess exhaled, her voice laced with concern “I thought we talked about this … you can’t keep doing this every weekend lisa “ 

“ doing what ?” I said quietly as i  played dumb 

“You know what “ she deadpanned 

“I know ..It’s just I needed to see her one last time “ the words rushed out in jumbles as my arm’s shook , I placed my hand on top to try to get it under control “I can’t live without her .. I need to be here with her just in case …she needs me “ my heart raced as I rubbed my palms up and down my jeans. my lips quivering with guilt and pain 

Jess blew out a breath, her voice hesistant “ Lisa “ she paused “ it’s going to be okay, just come over and we’ll figure it out “ 

My eye’s shuttered closed as a lone tear slipped out. I knew she was being cautious because she didn’t want me to do anything “I might regret”

“I just don’t want you to do anything you might regret, “ jess said over the line as I whispered the same words to myself, I, licked the chap off my lip’s 

My hands gripped my jacket tighter “ I can’t leave her “

“ you don’t need to be there right now, not like this honey please just come over, I and turner will be here for you ,”

I nodded in agreement “ I should but”, Jesse kept her words short but

subtle.

Turner and Lisa.Both my guardian partners  as much as they were my therapists. I didn’t want to be anywhere else but right here with mia. “ I’ll come over later” I whispered 

“Lisa, you need to be with us ‘’ she said it as firm as a  strong fist 

“I …”

Jess interrupted me “ hush, honey im calling turner if anyone can talk some sense into you it’s him “

The call ended and I continued to watch mia. any other day I would pack my things and be off to Jesse’s but today , today I just needed my mia . It was when Mia ran back over to the sandbox that I let my eyes wander over to her adoptive parents. they helped each other spread the patterned sheet across the shallow grass. The woman with the auburn hair piled on top of her head with a crescent clip holding the shaggy strands in place. smiling and laughing with her husband. His face full of delight every time she glanced at mia. Their family.

My phone rang again, already knowing who it was I picked it up. an argument slowly transcribing in my head. “I kno-”

“You got to be kidding me “ turner screamed in my ear .his voice rough and erratic. “ Lisa, what the hell, do you think you’re doing, huh? no. wait. matter of fact do not even answer that. get the hell up and leave“ he said in one big pant 

My tongue got stuck in my throat ‘i-” 

“Lisa now “ he demanded 

I looked around the park, she was throwing her balls in her bucket again . “i-”

“Lisa”

“ What am I supposed to do, “I said as I snatched my jacket tighter around me. Turner had to know my pain by now, He had seen it first hand. The night the nightmares and the scream’s gotthe best of me. my blood was dripping on the florescent tiles the bathroom. seen what lengths I would go to just to be gone. my guilt and shame erased with the existence of me. “I hurt every day because of this, “I said as my chest tightened 

“We know Lisa, but let’s face the truth right now, the truth is she’s gone “ 

Hard and fast . my body shuddered as my head reeled. Scene’s flooding my broken memories the image’s on the new’s. the broken plates shattered on the floor. The rain pounding on the roof. The bodies found in the river. The pink boots grimed with soot and dirt. I felt as though my heart stopped .maybe, it did because I couldn’t see or breathe. Turner’s voice was raspy and far away as my eyes searched for mia on the playground, my feet moved before I had the chance to recover. They took me everywhere but to mia. 

“No, no,no “ Every step I took got heavier with the truth. Every sight blinded by the loss of my most precious angel. I stumbled toward’s the slides parents and by-passers surrounding me whispering and shuffling their children from near me. I was an infection to the few kids that remained on the playground, an infection of crazy of the beginning of being a lunatic I couldn’t focus on them I had to find mia to prove myself wrong. That she wasn’t gone, she was just hiding a smile pulled at the crease of my lips ready to beam into effect when I see her, playing with the mulch or placing her ball’s in her little blue bucket. I dipped below the orange slides on my knee’s searching frantically for her small form but she never appeared. 

I chewed my bottom lip, the truth creeping around the corner and then a thought  flashed in my mind  “mia’s foster parent’s “I whispered to myself. I raced over to where I last saw them well, stalked them last and there was no trace of any picnic, the grass tall and uncut not shallow as I witnessed it a few minutes ago , before the phone call had taken I needed , and what that phone call revealed ,the dust wisped away Into the light .my knee was first they struggled not to collapse but  the weight of everything brought them down  as if someone with steeled toed boots were forcing me to the ground to repent for what I’ve done . what I’ve lost .  second was the pain the affliction of the pain inside of me ,the breath of air restricting inside of me waiting to be let go of ,released from the trap that have fallen on top of me .  third was the scream’s the one’s that began In my head only to bounce of the trees above me ,the birds flapping their wings and fleeing from the disturbance of natural order .desperation and torture seeping from my eye’s . I screamed for the past ,for Mia and for my wrong doings of her .how I could of protected, cherished her and kept her close to me .my body shook and trembled with the force of my grief and neglect the air rushing out of me.